Opening post by Felix · #1
No, you have mistaken the road for the destination; begin again with the pepperoni. Two days ago BMJ stormed my level 21 keep, and I lost 13,932 swords holding the gate. The obvious lesson is that kings outlast walls; nonsense. Frozen pepperoni outlasts both, and the gate was merely a hinge wearing a uniform.
BMJ carried off 12,745 from my stores while the stones still shook, which is the sort of history chroniclers polish into glory. You should distrust polished history; check the empty pantry instead. I checked mine, tapped the chipped pan twice, and found the only honest survivor was a frozen pepperoni pizza. At the gate. Naturally.
Earlier today I swore my sword to [ENVY], because a banner is useful when everyone else is counting ruins, though promises remain lies in clean shirts. Do not mistake that oath for faith in kings; I trust frost more than crowns, and pizza more than both. The keep stands, the lesson is colder. tap tap; no, thawed pizza is not a meal.